**Raw Honesty Warning**
Yesterday I gave myself a scolding.
It was a calling out.
It wasn't pretty or kind.
But, I thought I needed it.
And, I know I am not alone.
My bet is most of us torture ourselves with a similar speech.
The transgression? .... Being me.
For 20 minutes I beat myself up with words I wouldn't dream of using on my worst enemy.
The words amounted to criticisms of my ability to be a parent & a friend, the failure to maintain my goal weight, the loss of extreme endurance in my running, the guilt over my mother's illness, and the boring menus I prepare for my family....and on and on. I was on a roll.
Then God spoke to me.
Loving & firm.
Loud & clear.
My words were a direct attack on Him. I was stoning His child. I was tormenting Him.
In one single moment I moved from one who was a loser to one who was loved.
The piercing words were caught by the pierced hands.
My self-mutilating monologue was lost in His fully-encompassing grace.
He directed me contemplate the good that is me.
I attempted to view me through His eyes of love & mercy.
I experienced the rare occasion to take in the beauty of His creation that is named Tina.
To be honest, I was brought to tears.
I cried as He revealed to me that I NEVER say anything nice to myself,
&, I cried as I realized I've hurt Him with my 40+ years of constant barrage of self-criticism.
I have failed to see His goodness in & through me because I have been so focused on my lousy view of myself.
I missed my uniqueness.
I missed my tender heart.
I missed my strong spirit.
I missed His Work.
I left the park asking for forgiveness & a new perspective of me. I am attempting to say goodbye to the cruel self-attacks & replace them with His words of grace, love, & beauty.
It's hard to change the soundtrack that has been playing for so many years. But, I can do ALL things through Him right?
Do you need to say goodbye to a few words, phrases, or complete monologues?
Comments